Tuesday, March 29, 2005

What is freaks inc.?

A lot has been happening in my life and I'm afraid it's pulled me away from this site. I have joined with my friend Willie from Choices and a few other friends to start a major new site, freaks inc. Freaks inc. incluedes a number of subsites, namely FOG (Freaks, Old and Grumpy)FAD (Freaks Against Drugs) and FIG (Freaks Into God). I don't intend to abondon this site and will be making posts as time permits. Check us out at freaks inc.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Where Have We Been?

For the past four days, I have been extremely busy helping some old friends get four other blogs going. (You can find them in the Links, to the left and at the end of this posting.) How do these other blogs relate to this site? In my own personal experience, as well as in my working experience in prison work and in drug and alcohol counseling, it's obvious that sexual abuse victims often rely on the self-medication of non-prescription drugs to deaden the pain. As studies and personal experience shows, we then become like the dog chasing its' tail. It becomes an never ending circle. We suffer from depression, so we rely on non-prescription drugs; drugs that often lead to even greater depression and other forms of psychosis. A new 25-year study of cannabis users (the drug of choice for myself and a number of other sex-abuse survivors I have encountered over the years), finds that run-of-the-mill pot smokers are almost twice as likely to suffer from a psychosis as does the general population. (The study is in the March 2005 edition of the journal, Addiction.) While some may see it as the old - "what comes first, the chicken or the egg" - story, those who have regularly used pot know that regular use does lead to forms of psychosis. What is all this leading too? The blogs I have been helping some old friends with are addressing the push by politicians in Canada to make drugs, particularly pot, more readily available. With the resultant increase in various forms of phychosis. Those of us who suffer from psychosis, as the result of becoming pot-heads, surely don't want to see more people prone to psychois as the result of inane government action. So, that's why I have volunteered to help these groups and, as a result, may not be on this site as much as I wish to be in the near future. (The blogs I have been helping out with are Freaks Against Drugs, Canadian Leaders on Drugs and Bill-17, the bill to decriminalize/legalize pot. The fourth site is Problems with Stoning a Country.)

Friday, March 18, 2005

How We Often Deaden the Shame of Abuse

The following was posted on the Blog, Choices. As a child of 11 growing up in a conservative, evangelical church, I was sexually abused by a church worker. My choice to this? Christians are morons and Christianity is for fools and old women. Then, from age 16 (when I left home in the early 60's), I made choices that evolved around alcohol (and various non-prescription drugs) women, and song. The latter, of the acid rock variety. Until the age of 30, I wasn't even aware that the choices I was making were in response, in large measure, to the choice someone else made to sexually abuse me. My choices were not made in reference to whether they would adversely affect others close to me. Quite frankly, I didn't give a damn. What made me feel good; "if it feels good baby do it," was my mantra. Selfish. Damn right. Did I care? Only when my wife caught me screwing around or I got busted for a drug violation. Did this mean I started making choices that wouldn't adversely affect those around me? No. But I did become a lot more careful that my choices were not so transparent to the police. And my wife. Happy. No. I was miserable with the choices I was making but to make me feel happier, I decided to screw around more and do more drugs, until, at age 30 something happened to the way I made choices. Thanks in part to NA and AA, I found that I couldn't change on my own but, with the help of God, I could. God has enabled me to soften the pain that drugs and alcohol only made worse.

How Would You, as an Adult, Respond to Your Abuser?

After contacting Ralph, he agreed to have this posted. It is a comment he made to our first post. I post this for your response. Yeah. I'm a survivor. Strange I can say this now. For over 20 years I refused even to acknowledge I was a victim. I met my abuser about 6 years ago. Or, I should say, I saw him through a window while I was sitting in a restaurant eating steak. He walked by just as I was cutting my meat. My first response to this fellow I hadn't seen in 20 years? Jump through the window and cut the bastard's throat from ear to ear. And then piss on his bloody corpse. I didn't. Because at the same time I started to feel sorry for him. He was an old man, walking down the street muttering to himself. Who suffered most? I still have most of my marbles but he had obviously lost his and by the looks of it and what I have heard since, he is not about to find them again. Angry still? At times. In AA they tell us to forgive. To approach those we have wronged and those who have wronged us. Not sure it would help in this case. He probably wouldn't even know who I was anyways. Don't know what to do now. My anniversary for five years of sobriety is coming up and guess I've made it. I think.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Why This Blog?

This blog grew out of another one I helped a friend start up. A number of people emailed us and asked that a site be set up to address this issue only; they couldn't find another blog like it. (If you know of one, let me know.) So, let's see where we go with this. From one who surived being sexually abused and is learning to live, "one day at a time."